I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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