dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
