I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
