my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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