God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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