we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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