you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
