i don't like sucking hair
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
