I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
