I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
