it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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