Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize