No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
