I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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