okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
