theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
