hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
