I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
