if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I could fuck to npr.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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