I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
