We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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