Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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