Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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