i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
