they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
