oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
