I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
