i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
