Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
