last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
