I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
