Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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