oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
