there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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