we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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