I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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