Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
