No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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