if you like me you must not know who I am
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
