Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Randomize
