Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
