this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
