Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
