there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
