DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
