i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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