But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
