I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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