I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
where does the pee come out of this thing
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
