Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
