Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
