I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
