UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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