Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
