I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
