it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
