No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
