You really coming over, don't trick.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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