don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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