Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
