i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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