i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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