Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize