dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
