he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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