went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
50% drunk capacity currently
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
