i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Pooping to opera.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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