bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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