FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
