I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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