I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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