How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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