Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
