Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
