I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
