I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize