dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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