You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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