New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
