This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
