I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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