I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
