Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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