YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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