you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
