there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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