oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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