Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
