I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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