I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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