I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
