Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize