Operation Purity has been aborted
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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