You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Liz is crying about burritos again.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
