if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
