i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
