You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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