She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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