the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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