all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
