Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love having hate sex.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
