he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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