If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
